Thursday, 22 February 2018

My Experience Seeking Help For Anxiety

I was unsure whether to write this post for two reasons. Firstly, I've never actually talked about my personal experiences with anxiety anywhere on the internet before. Secondly, I had a negative experience when it came to seeking help with my anxiety and I didn't want to put people off looking for help if they need it.

However, I feel like it is important to talk about my negative experience, since it identifies a flaw in the system and I feel like it is an important subject to raise awareness for. My experience won't reflect everyone's, and now that I'm in a better place looking back I do feel like I did the right thing by seeking help.

If you've known me in person at any stage of my life you will know that I've always just been a shy person. At the age of 14, this really intensified and with exams approaching I noticed my stress levels were through the roof. I found myself having panic attacks and literally bursting into tears in social situations that required me to talk in front of people. I was isolating myself away out of fear of going out of my comfort zone, I couldn't sleep and my hair was literally falling out due to stress.

You can see in this screenshot from a old video
 how thin my hair got around my hairline

As I said before, I put my feelings and symptoms entirely down to exam stress. And then after leaving school I was still experiencing panic attacks and feeling anxious, even though I was in my "stress free gap year" and technically didn't have anything to worry about. This is when I realized I had a problem.

At the age of 18, after 4 years of feeling like this every day, I decided to take the first steps in seeking help and made a doctor appointment. I told my mum I was doing this, and she really encouraged me to do this because she could see how it was affecting me. I was so nervous to even go and speak to a doctor, because I never actually told anyone out loud how I was feeling.

After a consultation with my doctor, he diagnosed me with anxiety and having a stress disorder. He advised me to make an appointment with a counselor and gave me an information booklet with their details on it. The first thing I had to do was have a phone consultation with this counselor before they decided whether to do sessions in person.

The reason I was looking for help with dealing with my anxiety was because everyday situations were causing me to become extremely distressed. The woman who interviewed me on the phone asked me "are you able to do everyday tasks such as go to work?

I answered that yes I could physically do these tasks, yet they were causing me anxiety to do. She replied "I'm sorry, but I'm really struggling to see why you're making an appointment if it seems like you can do every day tasks".

I know that she didn't mean it to come across rude, but it was just a huge slap in the face to be told by a counselor that you should even be looking for help when it took me 4 years to pluck up the courage to even make an appointment because I felt like I was being silly by doing so in the first place.

Like I know that I could physically perform tasks, like get on a bus to go to work, but I'd rather learn how to cope with my anxiety so that I didn't get panic attacks at the thought alone of getting on public transport. I was looking for a solution to live an every day life, without not only having my anxiety stop me, but not cause me any distress in the meantime.

Luckily, my life circumstances changed. I met new people, I was constantly challenged to go out of my comfort zone in my gap year and I ended up gaining a lot of confidence. This lead me to almost naturally fight my anxiety away. I still have moments where I feel like all I want to do is lock myself away in my room because I feel like I cant do something, but I'm coping a lot better now. I think the most important step I took was admitting that I had a problem, and confessing to people close to me how I felt.

I'm writing this post because I feel like a flaw in the system of treating mental health is a lack of understanding from professionals who treat people. Don't get me wrong, I know there are lot's of amazing people out there who do wonders treating people. Yet I just feel like it can be such an intimidating experience to even ask for help, yet alone being told that you don't fully qualify for treatment. Anyone asking for help to deal with mental health should be treated with care and understanding. There are different levels of mental health illnesses, and anyone dealing with one should feel like they can receive help if they ask for it, not just extreme cases. 

Even though the route of seeking counselling wasn't effective for me when I first tried it, I still encourage people to tell people how they feel and not be ashamed to look for help with mental health. I'm just proud of myself for speaking up about how I felt, because that alone felt like a huge weight off my shoulder.

Thank you for reading, this was the first time that I've spoke about my own personally experiences with mental health on the internet. The song of the day is Human by The Killers. I hope that this has been a useful post to read and if you have any questions, please let me know in the comments,

Izzy K xxx

Thursday, 8 February 2018

Survival Guide For Moving To A New City

In September I made the life decision to move from Birmingham to Liverpool to start university. I really wanted to move somewhere away from home so I picked Liverpool because it's 2 hours away and I knew a couple of people from the city who really hyped it up. 

There are lots of differences you notice when you go city to city. I'm the sort of person that really likes change and can't stay put in one place for too long, and here are my top tips for moving to a new city...

  • Plan before you actually pack your bags and move- You'll want to make sure you're fully prepared before you get there, so you'll settle easily. Make sure you pop to Ikea before hand to pick up all your homeware essentials.
This was honestly me moving into uni

  • Sort our your admin before you get there- You want to be set up in your new home straight away. Make sure you register for a doctor and dentist, and don't leave that to when you're actually sick. Ask for all important letters (bank statements etc) to be sent to your new address.

  • Visit the area before you actually move- There's be nothing worse than moving to a city and realizing you've been catfished and it's nothing like you saw in the pinterest pictures. You'll want to get to know where all the best restaurants and night life is so you have something to do while your there. And figure out the public transport online before you get there too. Bus prices are something that vary loads city to city, so make sure you know all the best tickets to get for public transport and if it's worth getting a transport pass.

  • Meet up with people you may already know in the city- in the 21st century long distance friendships are common, so it may be likely that you already know someone where you're moving to. There's nothing better than a familiar face to help you get settled.
Why not meet a friend for coffee?

  • Keep busy- whether this be joining a social club, really keeping on top of your studies, getting a job. Making sure you're always doing something and socializing helps beat homesickness. 

  • Take into account the change in weather- I've only moved 2 hours north but let me tell you, it's bloody freezing. So chances are, if you're moving to another part of the country, or even world, you'll have to prepare for the temperature change.
Me walking around Liverpool in the Winter

  • Learn the accent- the scouse accent is definitely one that took me a while to be able to understand. There's nothing more humiliating than trying to buy something in the shop and having to ask the person at the till "what" a million times. 
I do love the Scouse though!

So that's been my top tips for moving away from home. The song of the day is The Voice Within by Christina Aguilera because it's a timeless classic. Thank you for reading,

Izzy K xxx

Thursday, 1 February 2018

My 4th Blog Birthday

This is up a few days late, but on the 28th of January this blog celebrated it's 4th birthday! I really can't believe that I've posted almost every week for the last 4 years. Honestly struggling to think where the time has gone, I can honestly remember publishing my first post like it was yesterday.

The reason I first decided to make a blog was because I wanted to create content. I've never been a strong writer, I'll admit that, but I've had so much fun running a blog that is filled with my own content. 

When I started my blog I already had a YouTube channel, however I was too camera shy to carry on posting videos. I still wanted to work on something in my spare time, and share my thoughts online somehow. That's when I discovered that many of the YouTubers I was watching at the time also ran blogs on the side, so I thought "I want to try that". I was hooked on writing blog posts ever since then.

My favourite part of having a blog so far definitely has to be getting to know other bloggers. After growing Beau Bloggers as a community I've been following a lot of fellow bloggers. Being a nosey person, I just love seeing everyone else share their life updates. It really feels as though I'm surrounded by incredibly supportive friends.

I have many goals for my blog in the upcoming months. I want to start up a few more series across my two blogs, including an interview series. My blog theme and layout at the moment doesn't quite scream "professional" to me yet so I'm gonna work on switching that up. And I want to branch out on the topics I talk about more too, including mental health topics and what typical student life is like.

Thank you to anyone that has supported my blog over the last 4 years! The song of the day is Too Big For Your Boots by Stormzy because what a tune! Thank you so much for reading,

Izzy K xxx

Thursday, 25 January 2018

How The YouTube Partner Policy Has Affected Me

If you enjoy watching the content of smaller YouTubers, or are in fact one yourself, then it is likely you have heard about the changes that YouTube is now implementing to it's partnership programme. Being a YouTube partner has many perks, the main one being that you have the opportunity to monetize your videos and get ad revenue as long as your videos meet YouTube's guidelines. 

The other week I got a lovely little email off YouTube themselves saying the following:

"Under the new eligibility requirements announced today, your YouTube channel, Izzy K, is no longer eligible for monetization because it doesn’t meet the new threshold of 4,000 hours of watchtime within the past 12 months and 1,000 subscribers. As a result, your channel will lose access to all monetization tools and features associated with the YouTube Partner Program on February 20, 2018 unless you surpass this threshold in the next 30 days. Accordingly, this email serves as 30 days notice that your YouTube Partner Program terms are terminated."

Basically this is saying I am no longer eligible to be a YouTube partner. Don't get me wrong, I did get a little amount of money from making videos, but it was not a huge amount. To be honest, it really won't make a difference to me money wise whether or not I get paid from my videos. And that's what's annoying me. Bigger YouTubers are saying we're only complaining because we're no longer being paid when it's not even about that. It's the principle of it. 

This new policy is basically saying we don't get a chance because we don't have a large following. The amount of smaller YouTubers I watch that make genuinely amazing and creative content, wake up in the early mornings and stay up to the early hours to make sure they get a weekly video up is unreal. And then they go to work or college or school or university and work hard on so many levels. And why shouldn't they get a chance to access the money they could potentially make from these videos? It's gonna be so much harder for these people to make a name for themselves with these new changes. 

The thing that disheartened me the most is I feel like one of my biggest accomplishments are being taken away from me. When I was 17 I received an email from a company saying they had seen my videos and would love me to be part of their partnership team. I won't mention the name of the company because they haven't actually released of statement of how this change will affect my future with them, but I'm scared it will because I'll no longer be making any money for them so what's the point of keeping me on?

Joining this team was such a huge step for my channel because it's the first time my family actually acknowledged that the silly videos I was filming in my room actually had some sort of purpose. After receiving this email, my parents wanted to know what I was actually signing up to, and they watched my videos and started to support my hobby. They were genuinely proud that a professional company had seen some potential in the work that I was doing.

And if I have this partnership completely taken away from me I just feel like my hard work will be taken away from me. But on the bright side this has just motivated me to put more time and effort into my channel, and it most certainly hasn't discouraged me from making videos. And hey, I can basically post what I want without chance of being demonetized so there's that!

The song of the day is Better Have My Money by Rhianna just because I feel like it's relevant haha. Have you been affected by these changes? If so let me know in the comments,

Izzy K xxx

Thursday, 18 January 2018

Goals For 2018

Ok its 3 weeks into the year so I'm a bit behind on posting this one. I posted a New Years Resolution video on my YouTube channel with a few general goals I have for 2018. But the more I thought about it the more I wanted to set specific goals that I could work on to achieve this year.

I don't want to sound like I'm all about the numbers at any point. I'm beyond grateful to any single person who takes their time to engage with the content I create. However, I just love the idea of expanding the community that I'm a part of. By having physical goals in place, I know I will be motivated to work harder to achieve them. So here are my goals...


Reach 500 followers on Bloglovin

Be more active in the blogging community 

Change blog layout to make it look more professional


100k channel views

2k subscribers

Earn partnership back

Go to more YouTube events and meet up with YouTube friends

Film more collabs


Keep going to all my lectures (even when hungover!)

Stay on top of assignments and portfolios 

Finish the year with a good grade (2:1 but preferably 1st)

Go out more. Both during the day and at Night


Get a job

Get work experience that relates to media or film

Go to a festival (this would be really out of my comfort zone)

Work on being a nicer and more honest person

Keep on top of Pilates and Yoga

Go to the gym at least once a week

Learn new recipes and cook more

Pass my driving test

Change up my hair more

Don't beg for recognition of people if they clearly couldn't care less

Explore more. Like I barely know Liverpool and I've lived here 6 months

That's what I'm hoping I'll achieve in 2018. The song of the day is Waterloo Sunset by The Kinks. Have you set any goals this year? If so what are they?

Izzy K xxx

Thursday, 11 January 2018

All About My Media & Film Degree

Recently I've been binge watching loads of university vloggers and reading sooooo many university bloggers. It goes without saying that I'm the world's nosiest person that always loves seeing what everyone else is getting up to and how they're coping. When I move to a new environment, such as university, it's just my curiosity that makes me need to know what everyone else's experience is like. That's why I want to talk about my course and student life more across my platforms, because it's a topic I myself genuinely am interested in talking about.

If you didn't already know, I a student in Liverpool. I won't say which university I study at for now, but what I will say is that my uni specializes in combined courses. This appealed to me because I liked the idea of flexibility that this would offer.

The course I picked is something that I am genuinely passionate about, and all my extra-curricular activities relate to it anyway. The course I study is Media and Communication BA (Hons). However, as I mentioned earlier, my university offers combined courses so if you pick media single honors you're put down to do a film module too. So basically my course is 50% Media & Communications and the other 50% is made up of a Film Studies module.

So I thought I'd sum up what my two units of the degree are like in terms of classes and what we've been doing so far:

Media and Communications:

  • Lectures (3 times a week, for a hour each)- This is where everyone in your course all attend the same lessons. It usually consists of a lecturer doing a presentation, and addressing questions to the class. We've been discussing the theoretical side of media in these lectures, such as ethics behind publishing, and the history of the printing press.
  • Seminars (Once a week, for 2 hours)- This is where a smaller group of us work to practically achieve something related to media. So far we've done a radio module where we had to put together our own radio show and perform it, and also working on a digital marketing project.
  • Tutorials (Once a week, for 50 minutes)- This is where you and a small group have a catch up on what you've been doing that week with your tutor. This gives you the chance to discuss the tutorial task with the tutor, as well as ask questions about the course and assignments. 


  • Lectures (2 times a week, for an hour each)- This is with everyone on the course, where the lecturer will talk to us about film theory. This covers topics such as the history of cinema, and aspects of cinematography and how directors put films together. 
  • Seminars (Once a week, for two hours)- This is the practical film side. In smaller groups we are given projects to put what we learn in lectures into practice. So far we've made an animated advert, and are working on recreating a scene from a film that we've watched using the techniques we've learned. 
  • Tutorials (Once a week, for 50 minutes)- Again, this is where you meet up with your tutor for this side of the course, and discuss your classwork for the week and any questions you might have.

So that's been a little introduction to the layout of my course. It's a 3 year degree and I'm so excited to keep learning about things that genuinely interest me. I'll be writing more about my course and how I'm finding it as the year continues.

The song of the day is Fool's Gold by One Direction. If you have any questions, let me know in the comments. Thank you for reading,

Izzy K xxx

Thursday, 4 January 2018

Why I Make 'New Month Resolutions'

Well well well I guess this is it my very first post of 2018. I'm hoping to keep on top of my blog this year and just really make it the best quality that I can, so if you want to please stick around ;)

Happy New Year

So urrrm 2018?  Can't lie it's not been "my" year so far this year. I've come down with a sickness bug, and my work has an issue with my payment so it's January 4th at the moment and quite literally all that's happened to me this year is I've thrown up and not been paid. Still, I have hope for 2019!!!

Anyway, what I really wanted to talk about in this post is New Year's resolutions and why I don't necessarily 100% believe in them. Don't get me wrong, I don't see any harm in evaluating your life as a whole, and working on ways to be the best version of yourself. I just don't see the point in waiting once a year to do it. If you want to improve something about yourself, just do it, don't wait for a certain point on your calendar to do so.

Personally, I like to make little New Month Resolutions that are small and hopefully achievable. So for this month I decided I'd share mine for January:

1. Join the gym- a cliche one I know but it's gotta be done since I've never actually joined a gym in my life oops! But at my uni it only costs £25 for an annual membership so come on Iz you really can't afford not to!

2. Spice up my hair- Ok little confession I've been trying to dye my hair silver for the last few months but literally my hair just isn't taking to any sort of dye or bleach and ends up looking exactly the same every time. So I'm gonna find something that works to make my hair look a lil different.

3. Stand up for myself- I may as well get the word "mug" tattooed onto my forehead at this point because honestly that's how I act. I need to learn that some people don't have your best interests at heart and it's ok to say no sometimes and it's not unreasonable or rude to stick up for myself if I feel like I'm being pushed over.

4. Not miss a single upload- I really want to keep on top of my videos and blog posts this year because I really want 2018 to be the year I push my content to the next level.

5. Interact with my audience more- I'm always so grateful to anyone who takes the time to look at the content I produce, and leaves feedback on it. Therefore I want to make more of an effort with those people to make sure I stay in contact with them and let them know how much I appreciate them.

The song of the day is Temporary Fix by One Direction because I'm listening to it right now. Do you have any New Year's resolutions or monthly resolutions? If so let me know in the comments,

Izzy K xxx