Monday, 3 November 2014

Attention Avoider?

I wasn't sure if this is something I wanted to write about because I didn't want to seem like I was complaining or attention seeking, but I feel like I need to get it off my chest. This is probably going to be one of the deepest posts I've ever written so you've been warned. Grab your popcorn, get comfy and lets get started...

My entire life I have been an extremely shy person.  I remember that at nursery it always took my ages to pluck up the courage to go and play with the other kids and a lot of the time the workers had to introduce me to them so I got involved. Even to this day it takes me a while to warm up to people. I don't want to deliberately appear rude by not being chatty and open to people I've just met. But the truth is a probably seem like I am. I wish I was one of those bubbly people with a lot of (or even some) confidence to get chatting away with new people.

How I act around people I've never met before

However my close friends and family would never in a million years consider calling me a quiet person. In fact they have rather hard time trying to get me to shut up! My shyness definitely depends on the situation I'm in. In some situations I can be extremely loud and probably seem quite confident but other times I will seem the complete opposite. 

How my family react when they cant
 get me to stop singing Disney songs at 11.30pm

When I'm in a large group where everyone is being loud I have no problem being my usual, weird self. However, when a teacher asks me a question and I can feel the whole class stare at happens. My voice starts shaking and I just become really nervous for some reason. I cant even explain why. Its not fear of getting the question wrong or sounding stupid, its literally just me standing out from everyone else and getting noticed. 

I gave a presentation in class 
today and this is exactly what I looked like

I think my problem purely occurs when I realise I'm the center of attention. I will literally do anything to avoid having any sort of attention on me. I'm perfectly happy taking the backseat with things, doing all the behind the scenes work and letting someone else be the face of it. I am also aware that I'm a lot louder online than in person. It is just a lot easier expressing yourself behind a screen rather than to someone face to face. 

This is what I look like 
when I'm asked a question in class

The reason I'm actually writing this post is because I feel like its starting to limit me. I'm going to start to do things that are hopefully going to help me overcome my compulsive need to avoid being the center of attention. I will try to:

  • Do at least one thing a day that is out of my comfort zone. I will start off with small things and gradually build up.
  • Talk to more people.
  • Put my hand up in lessons more. Come on Izzy, you know the answer to more things in class than you are willing to admit. 
  • Post more YouTube videos. If I am capable of posting something that anyone around the world could potentially see, I am capable of talking to people in person.  
Ron's wave is quite possibly
the only thing more awkward than me

And there we have it; a basic introduction to one of the many reasons why I'm such a shy and awkward person. I'm not saying that its something I cant cope with or that I struggle more than anyone else out there. I am fully aware that, unfortunately, there are people out there who find these sorts of situations A LOT worse than I do. The song of the day is Skyscraper by Demi Lovato. Thanks for reading, let me know if you can relate to anything in the comments xxx